asom-broso:

writing-prompt-s:

Your phone rings. The number looks familiar. You pick up to hear your own voice asking you for help.

“i need your help”

“bitch me too the fuck”

then hang up

kanyewesticle:

*is at the movies with  a hot date* *does fake yawn to put arm around them* *yawns too hard and inhales a child from the row in front*

ancestor:

I can’t do this

bombing:

classicmeevs:

bombing:

submerge yourself in aloe vera gel for free

why

for free

shitiseeontwitter:

farmsuggestion:

list o people i trust with my cows

1.

blacksquares:

for my entire life i wondered why a dragonfly has an ass thats like 8 times as long as their body and tonight i finally felt compelled to investigate and as it turns out dragonflies breath thru their ass and can shoot water out of their butt hole to make them fly faster…….so…… i really did not expect that to be the answer but there it is

weavemama:

mall of america: we’re gonna have black santa 

trump supporters: 

starbucks: we’re gonna say happy holidays

trump supporters:

hamilton: mike pence please look out for us and be careful 

trump supporters:

kellogs: we don’t want our ads on a bigoted news site

trump supporters: 

the rest of america: hillary won the popular vote

trump supporters:

kafkamilktea:

akoolguy:

kafkamilktea:

thighlander:

ihatejonarbuckle:

kafkamilktea:

I’m eating this Russian chocolate and it made a rattling noise when I shook it and there’s a horse magnet inside???

russian kinder surprise

That looks like it’s made of coal.

It tasted like coal

you ate a vase

honestly at this point me eating a small vase is the least of my problems

trollney:

toxicmp3:

he had to ask the audience

u better toil shrew